I was born with the thing I long for the most - FREEDOM. As I grew up, many restrictions were placed on me. I was dictated by my elders, and had to fanatically trust every word of theirs. Sort of like a genie – “Your wish is my command, master”. Then, during the last couple of schooling years and junior college days, I felt the need for independence and made feeble stabs at getting my freedom back. The result being that I tried to make my own decisions, failing most of the times and barely scraping through with external assistance at other times.
Freedom of thought and action was my prime agenda, which has partially subverted my relationship at home. On the other hand it led to a closer bonding at school and college, and I began to get a feel of what friendship really is about. We shared everything, from physical possessions to abstract emotions. We laughed together, and were each other’s hope in times of despair. Though academic success eluded me at every turn, I was more than satisfied with things in general and life was like a bed of roses.
Until the thorns surfaced, that is. Trust is a very funny concept, and eerie too. Risky to evaluate, riskier than investing in Satyam these days. The final couple of years during graduation were like an orgasmic phase. But then it was typical of an orgasm, pleasurable but ends before you even know what is happening. But rather than a natural ending, this phase ended with shock and bitterness. I was betrayed by people (hate to call them friends) whom I trusted more than myself. I was so dependent that even now I struggle to stand on my own feet.
Heart broken and shattered within, I have entered a new phase of life – management studies and adulthood. Although it is too early to arrive at any conclusions, I feel I have stabilized a bit in this atmosphere. I am still haunted by nightmares from the past and feel vulnerable at times, but losing hope of recuperating would be extreme pessimism, something I have never associated myself with.
As I enter my 23rd year of existence on this strange planet filled with weird creatures, I have yet to find a selfless being. Time is running out, and my mind is tottering towards desperation again. As I am being bound slowly by the shackles of the society and the consequences of my own actions, my quest for freedom has gained new dimensions. I will try my utmost best to be the way I was born… FREE!!!
